Adrianne is the mother of three precious boys. As a part of our Love You Forever Project, she has graciously shared her story of her youngest, Owen. Thanks to Adrianne for sharing her story:
Nothing prepares you for the news that your baby has died. After two healthy pregnancies and straightforward deliveries, I was preparing myself and my family for the arrival of our third child. I had experienced a miscarriage between my two living children, so I thought I was out of the woods after the 1st trimester. I was so wrong.
Because of a decrease in movement, which I contributed to being 39 weeks pregnant and the baby running out of room, I went into the hospital for a "quick check" to monitor the heartbeat. That "check" turned into the worst day of my life. When the midwife, nurses and doctor couldn't find a heartbeat, something in me broke. Soon after I went into shock. To go from preparing my older children for a sibling, buying diapers and folding tiny onesies to talking about being induced, autopsy options and burial or cremation is enough to make any mother go into shock.
I didn't want to see my baby. I didn't want to hold him / her, have pictures... nothing. I wanted to deliver the baby then go home and pretend this never happened. But the person making those decisions was a mother in shock. Luckily, I was so incredibly blessed to have an amazing midwife to gently guide me through that horrible day. She contacted NILMDTS and suggested that I might want to see and hold my baby. I will forever be grateful to her.
Owen was a perfect 8 lb, 21 inch baby boy who looked like both his brothers. He had dark hair and his daddy's feet. I am so grateful for the photos we have that captured his beauty and the love we have for him. I only wish there were more. Because we didn't ask anyone to come to the hospital when Owen was born (another part of the shock), our pictures are the only way many have been able to meet him. His brothers know him through these pictures, which is invaluable to me.
If someone you love experiences the tragedy of stillbirth and you are able, please gently suggest they hold their baby. That they take a million pictures, save a lock of hair, cuddle their beautiful baby as much as they want, drink it all in. Because this is their baby, their child, and the memories have to last a lifetime